Firstly, Tasting Johnnie = what a night! I had a great time so thankyou to everyone who was present, especially Hoogster for organising it all. For those that didn’t make it, shame on you. You missed out. And I do apologise to anyone who had anxiety attacks over the bar mat incident….next time ill wrap it around my leg or something so I can lift my shirt in pride (by the way, does a bouncer have any authority in demanding us to lift our shirts? If we were girls would he have done the same?)
Anyways, to what I really wanted to discuss. South Australia. In terms of sport, our great state is not far off being renamed Greg Norman. The last few years have seen our sporting sides dominate but fail when it really counts, choke if you will, ala Greg Norman’s famous choking incident which, unfortunately, he is remembered for almost more than his good golfing.
Adelaide United was by far the stand out team of the new soccer league and yet bowed out in straight sets. Just moments earlier the Redbacks failed to capitalise on a fantastic season (but it was close….anyone who witnessed Tait’s bowling will be sure to remember it for years to come and he must surely get to don the baggy green very soon). Last season the Adelaide Crows finished top of the table but lost the first final to St Kilda, meaning they had to travel to Perth were they lost again, missing out on the Grand Final (at least we got to thrash Port in the process). Port Adelaide did the same for a couple of seasons. Brisbane will be remembered for winning 3 GF’s in a row but it should have been Port who claimed the three-peat (although a passionate Crows supporter and laughing at the Port debacle, my South Aussie pride thinks that Queensland is shit (Hoogster, remember when we stood in SA and pissed into Queensland hahaha!) and no team from there should hold such a title).
So we have United faltering, Redbacks faltering, Crows faltering, Power faltering. Last year our greatest export Hewitt had his moment in the sun reaching the final of the Australian Open but faltered against Safin. Our netballers have faltered. The 36’ers, although they didn’t finish top, had a very poor end to what was a very good season. Greg Normans we may be.
However, one feels that this year could be our year. The Crows are in good form (GO THE CROWS!!!! Another thumping of Port hahaha!) and one thinks that the disappointment of last year will spur them on the bigger and better things this season. United will no doubt come back stronger (Rech must be catching the eye of the Brazilian coach). And the Redbacks still have the Pura Cup ahead of them.
In other news, the Norwood Food and Wine Festival was fantastic. Although I was there for business and not pleasure I did get to take in the atmosphere. Summer, it does bring out the breast eh I mean best in females. And the food was good. The music wasn’t. Here is a cut from one young band:
“There is no bathroom, there is no sink.
The water from the tap is hard to drink
HARD TO DRINK”
The first 2 lines were sung in almost a romantic love song way, the last line in a hadbanging heavy metal way. I didn’t hang around to find out whether they were referring to the place of residents or if it was some sort of metaphor.
One of you has stolen the bar mat. Lift your shirts. Hahaha sucked in faggot its in the toilet!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley. Stanley was a very healthy sperm. Hed do push ups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing.
One day, one of them became curious enough to ask Stanley why he excersised all day.
Stanley said "look pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant and when the time comes,I am going to be that one"
A few days later, they all felt themselves getting hotter and hotter, and they knew it was getting to be their time to go. They were realeased abruptly and , sure enough, there was Stanley swimming out of sight of all the others.
All of a sudden, Stanley stopped, turned round, and began to swim back with al his might. :Go back! Go back!" he shouted "Its a blowjob!"
One day, one of them became curious enough to ask Stanley why he excersised all day.
Stanley said "look pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant and when the time comes,I am going to be that one"
A few days later, they all felt themselves getting hotter and hotter, and they knew it was getting to be their time to go. They were realeased abruptly and , sure enough, there was Stanley swimming out of sight of all the others.
All of a sudden, Stanley stopped, turned round, and began to swim back with al his might. :Go back! Go back!" he shouted "Its a blowjob!"
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
A National Shame
Firstly, I must apologise for the following rant being slightly outdated but my internet has been down for the last week or so. Nonetheless, my feelings are still strong (and I apologise for some word choice) and I feel that the people that have disgraced this fair country of ours must be made accountable.
I had the privilege of going to the Australia day cricket match of Australia v Sri Lanka, my first experience of an international one day match. I have been to many Adelaide Oval test matches (this years was the first in 8 years that I missed) but it isn’t the same. Needless to say I was very excited. However, the game was a dud but I still enjoyed myself mainly owing to the mad adventures on the hill. The game should have been so much better, though, and this is where my tirade begins.
Had Sir Wankas not batted so poorly maybe things would have been different but at the moment I think the Australian cricket team is an absolute disgrace. The performance they showed that day was a dishonour to all fans and Adelaidians alike. The match played on Australia day was without its captain, Ricky Ponting. On the one day that you think you would feel most proud to don the green and gold, and Ponting decides to take a rest. On Australia Day. “I don’t feel like playing for Australia on Australia Day” That’s not a direct quote but pretty close im sure. What a mother fucking soft cock. “Ive played about 30 days of cricket in the last 4 months, Im tired” (again not a direct quote). Fuck off you stupid granny fucker. You cant ring in sick when playing for Australia, especially when you are in a position to have many breaks and travel the world. His current form would make him the worlds best player at the moment and that’s what I wanted to see. And the problem is Ponting is not the only one. The whole Australian side has this resting policy. Resting from what? They play about 2 games a week for about 2 months. Brett Lee and Andrew Symonds are the only players I have respect for. Both have said they will not rest and want to play every game Australia plays. They should be applauded. Simon Katich also doesn’t want to rest but hes a knobdoctor anyway. And the reason for the rest policy = want to keep players right for the world cup. The world cup is still over 12 months away! And the players they are replacing the “rested” players with they want to look at for the world cup. That is Brad Hodge and that really tall, unko looking guy from Western Australia. WHAT ABOUT THAT YOUTH POLICY YOU WERE ENFORCING WHEN YOU GOT RID OF BOOF YOU DONKEY RAPING FUCKERS? IF BOOF WAS PLAYING THE ASHES WE WOULD HAVE WON! But no, hes not from NSW. And maybe that’s why Cosgrove cant get in the team. Someone who is averaging 90 in the national competition isn’t good enough? FUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The current Australian bowling line up consists of 4 New South Welshmen. Now, if they were to play for NSW, with Stuart Magill in that side, one of them would be dropped. That means Australia is currently playing someone who wouldn’t make a full strength state side. How does that work? Stuart Clark should not be playing. Nathan Bracken should not be playing. Hodge should not be playing. Katich, maybe. I hope Watson doesn’t come straight back into the side when he recovers because he can hardly make it in the national competition but still gets picked for Australia! “We’re trying to get him to the standard needed” (that’s an almost direct quote). That’s what the national competition is for. They play well there, they play for Australia. Not so. An absolute disgrace and a sham. This youth policy they keep talking about is a sham. Hodge made his debut 2 games ago and hes over 30. As was Jacques. Cosgrove should be playing. We have a 21 year old natural who continues to get overlooked.
Anyways, all I know is if I was privileged enough to represent my family, state and country in anything I would represent it with pride and not be a mother fucking soft cock about it. Especially on the day we celebrate being Australian. But that’s just me. Maybe cricketers think differently. Maybe Ponting failed to duck one to many bouncers. Maybe Trevor Hohns is a fuckwit. No wait, there’s no maybe about that one.
Im still going to support Australia and I hope they put the Lankans and the South Africans back on the leaky boat they came out here on. I have been fortunate enough to grow up and witness some of Australias finest cricket. From when Allan Border was captain to the end of Steve Waugh. Now most of Australias cricketers are a bunch of fags. It hurts me to say so but I could forgive Australia for giving up the next year and getting rid of all the fags (eg. Ponting, Gilchist, Hodge, Hogg, Bracken, McGrath, Clark). The current team lost to Bangladesh only about 6 months ago. Bangladesh! So whats the difference then if we actually enforce this youth policy we hear so often about to get rid of the has beens.
Australia Day is about showing how much pride you have for Australia. Ponting failed. The Australian cricket team failed. Its about time they stopped crying to the Whaaaaaambulance and grew some balls.
I had the privilege of going to the Australia day cricket match of Australia v Sri Lanka, my first experience of an international one day match. I have been to many Adelaide Oval test matches (this years was the first in 8 years that I missed) but it isn’t the same. Needless to say I was very excited. However, the game was a dud but I still enjoyed myself mainly owing to the mad adventures on the hill. The game should have been so much better, though, and this is where my tirade begins.
Had Sir Wankas not batted so poorly maybe things would have been different but at the moment I think the Australian cricket team is an absolute disgrace. The performance they showed that day was a dishonour to all fans and Adelaidians alike. The match played on Australia day was without its captain, Ricky Ponting. On the one day that you think you would feel most proud to don the green and gold, and Ponting decides to take a rest. On Australia Day. “I don’t feel like playing for Australia on Australia Day” That’s not a direct quote but pretty close im sure. What a mother fucking soft cock. “Ive played about 30 days of cricket in the last 4 months, Im tired” (again not a direct quote). Fuck off you stupid granny fucker. You cant ring in sick when playing for Australia, especially when you are in a position to have many breaks and travel the world. His current form would make him the worlds best player at the moment and that’s what I wanted to see. And the problem is Ponting is not the only one. The whole Australian side has this resting policy. Resting from what? They play about 2 games a week for about 2 months. Brett Lee and Andrew Symonds are the only players I have respect for. Both have said they will not rest and want to play every game Australia plays. They should be applauded. Simon Katich also doesn’t want to rest but hes a knobdoctor anyway. And the reason for the rest policy = want to keep players right for the world cup. The world cup is still over 12 months away! And the players they are replacing the “rested” players with they want to look at for the world cup. That is Brad Hodge and that really tall, unko looking guy from Western Australia. WHAT ABOUT THAT YOUTH POLICY YOU WERE ENFORCING WHEN YOU GOT RID OF BOOF YOU DONKEY RAPING FUCKERS? IF BOOF WAS PLAYING THE ASHES WE WOULD HAVE WON! But no, hes not from NSW. And maybe that’s why Cosgrove cant get in the team. Someone who is averaging 90 in the national competition isn’t good enough? FUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The current Australian bowling line up consists of 4 New South Welshmen. Now, if they were to play for NSW, with Stuart Magill in that side, one of them would be dropped. That means Australia is currently playing someone who wouldn’t make a full strength state side. How does that work? Stuart Clark should not be playing. Nathan Bracken should not be playing. Hodge should not be playing. Katich, maybe. I hope Watson doesn’t come straight back into the side when he recovers because he can hardly make it in the national competition but still gets picked for Australia! “We’re trying to get him to the standard needed” (that’s an almost direct quote). That’s what the national competition is for. They play well there, they play for Australia. Not so. An absolute disgrace and a sham. This youth policy they keep talking about is a sham. Hodge made his debut 2 games ago and hes over 30. As was Jacques. Cosgrove should be playing. We have a 21 year old natural who continues to get overlooked.
Anyways, all I know is if I was privileged enough to represent my family, state and country in anything I would represent it with pride and not be a mother fucking soft cock about it. Especially on the day we celebrate being Australian. But that’s just me. Maybe cricketers think differently. Maybe Ponting failed to duck one to many bouncers. Maybe Trevor Hohns is a fuckwit. No wait, there’s no maybe about that one.
Im still going to support Australia and I hope they put the Lankans and the South Africans back on the leaky boat they came out here on. I have been fortunate enough to grow up and witness some of Australias finest cricket. From when Allan Border was captain to the end of Steve Waugh. Now most of Australias cricketers are a bunch of fags. It hurts me to say so but I could forgive Australia for giving up the next year and getting rid of all the fags (eg. Ponting, Gilchist, Hodge, Hogg, Bracken, McGrath, Clark). The current team lost to Bangladesh only about 6 months ago. Bangladesh! So whats the difference then if we actually enforce this youth policy we hear so often about to get rid of the has beens.
Australia Day is about showing how much pride you have for Australia. Ponting failed. The Australian cricket team failed. Its about time they stopped crying to the Whaaaaaambulance and grew some balls.
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