Goodbye My Lover, Goodbye My Friend

What a night! Thankyou to everyone who turned up Saturday night to wish us a happy farewell. I had a great time and Im pretty sure Nick did to.

Highlight of the night: *Shaun asking me how the lock works on my toilet door (apparently he's tired of his ass being photographed and the butt (pun very much intended) of all jokes)

*My dog beating all you soccer greats at soccer

Lowlight of the night: Nick banging on my door at 9:49am Sunday morning after Id only just got to bed about 2 hours previously.

How my mum summed up the night: "I cant believe how much Shaun ate!"

For those interested, our plane leaves at 6am Saturday morning. For those that cant make it, be sure to tune in to Hello/Goodbye.

All Aboard The Socceroo Train!

We have finally done it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Against all of Urgay, all of Japan, all of Brazil, all of Croatia, 3 refs and Kalac we have finally done it!!!!!!!!!! Soccer is one of the few sports Australia has left to dominate and finally it seems we have put our name on the map. We are still a long way off becoming a dominant team but the cogs are turning and i feel a home tournament in 2018 could be our year. Now for Italy. It shouldnt be too hard, they spend most of the time rolling about on the ground crying. C'MON YOU AUSSIES!!!!!!!!!! (And Guus, when is Lazaridis going to get a run?)


After recent publishings one may presume that i am hereby jumping on the soccer world cup band wagon. However, those that know me know that i am a fan of all sports..from footy, to soccer , to coights. I have through school, socially, or at a club level played many numerous sports including that of soccer, indoor soccer, and the lesser of all soccers, table soccer. Recent publishings also suggest that i am a proud and patriotic man. I will support my city, state and country (maybe one day that will continue on to planet -bring on the galactic games!) with passion in any sport. I love the Crows. I love our Aussie cricket team. I love our Aussie soccer team. I love Australia. So I am not jumping on any bandwagon, I was already on it and have been since my love for sport began. Anyone who thinks otherwise can fuck off. I watched Australia v Iran and my heart broke. I watched Australia v Urgay and my heart broke. I watched Australia v Urgay and celebrated in the style that i do best. I am so positive Australia will do well in this world cup i have organised to be in Berlin for the final. Where will you be? So please, no more mentioning of me jumping on the bandwagon.


Good joke i heard:

A teacher was teaching her class on proper manners and etiquette. The subject today was the polite way of saying you needed to go to the toilet.
"You are out having dinner with your partner and you need to go to the toilet" the teacher scenariod "Timmy, how would you excuse yourself?"
"Sorry but i have to go take a piss" replied Timmy.
"Thats not very polite at all" the teacher said in disgust "Charlie, how would you excuse yourself?"
"Sorry,honey, but please excuse me while I go to the toilet " Charlie answered with a smile
"Thats much better Charlie but we still want to avoid the word toilet if we can. Johnny?"
To which Johnny replied "Excuse me, darling, i have to go shake hands with a dear friend of mine, whom, im hoping, you will get to meet later this evening"

Ring Bell and Run: The Dog Needs Exercise

My job isnt really that interesting. In fact most of the time its quite boring, just me walking for 7-8 hours a day singing to myself (usually alright but the other day i had the unfortunate pleasure of the veronicas stuck in my head), putting up with angry dogs, and putting on a fake smile and laugh when i hear the same joke for the 100th time that day. "We havent used in electricity since last time" or "make it a small one" hahahaha yeah just for that im adding on a couple. Good on ya.

Anyways, the other day wasnt any different. In the morning i found a dog which had escaped its backyard so i rang the number on its collar (getting a kiss on the lips for my efforts....by the dog) and returned it. That added a bit of variety to the day. The following converstion i had with one bloke though really spiced up the day.

To set the scene, the property i was reading was 2 units on the one block with a long driveway down the side. As i walked up this bloke shouted out hello from the end of the driveway and helped me unlock the gate and was friendly and interested about the job. Here was there fixing the gutters on the units. By accent and looks i thought he was Greek (important to note for part of the conversation) and was aged about 60. After i read the meters we talked for a bit. Heres how some parts of the conversation went:

Harry (that was his name): How old are you mate? You look young
Me: 21.
Harry: single? married?
Me: nah single
Harry: single? why aren't you married? 21 is old enough
Me: Oh dont know just havent met the right one yet i guess
Harry: yeah yeah. When i was 21 we used to be married or we used to go down to Hindley street and we would always be able to see some pussy there! You go out much?
Me: yeah a little
Harry: see some girls on the weekend hey?
Me: yeah my weekends are pretty fun. Always a lot of nice girls about.
HArry: Gotta becareful about aids now though
Me: Yeah thats always a bit of a worry
Harry: Used to be alright and then those bloody Turks and Europeans came over and screwed everything up.

I cant remember how i responded to that and the next minute or so before he popped out with:

Harry: You been with a sheila?
ME: A sheila? yeah.
Harry: Thats the way. You seen any good sheilas walking?
Me: Yeah usually i see a few quite nice ones in my journeys but havent today. This area hasnt really been too good on the eye.
Harry: Yeah? The sheila that lives here is something to look at. You should wait till she gets home and come back. Do you see any just lying on the back lawn sunbathing?
Me: Nah havet yet its probably too cold.
Harry: Yeah summer is when they do it. You'll see heaps then!
Me: Thats what Im hoping
Harry: Yeah but not many do it anymore. You used to be able to just lay on your lawn and noone would bother you but these days too many people want to more than just look. Its not really safe
Me: Yeah its a bit sad these days about all that.

He then continued into pedophiles and the like for a few minutes.

Harry: We used to go down to the beach and if we saw a nice sheila we would go off to the toilet and (using his hand to demonstrate) have a quick wank and go back out and be alright. Now though people want to more than just look, they want a bit of a touch and feel. You dont mind talking about masterbation? Everyone does it. No point being ashamed of it.
Me: Exactly
Harry: Some idiots dont like talking about it but theres nohing wrong about it. You're young you must be doing it twice a day.
Me: (forced laughter)
Harry: Once in the morning and once in the afternoon am i right?
Me: Yeah pretty much (starting to pray that someone, anyone would ring my phone so i could just leave)
Harry: When was the last time you gave it a go? This morning?
Me: Actually havent for a few days.
Harry: A few days? You must be loaded. You'll blow big. You'll go home and do it tonight. Am I right?
Me: Quite possibly.
Harry: When was the last time you watched a XXX movie?
Me: Actually I havent for quite a while. I got a few friends with quite a collection though.
Harry: I got 3 dozen myself. From Europe. Young pretty Europeans. Cant beat them can you?
Me: No, no i dont think you can.
Harry: Im married with 2 kids but i still like to watch these things. it doesnt harm anyone. You got any brothers and sisters?
Me: Yeah a couple
Harry: You got your own room?
Me: Yeah
Harry: VCR?
Me: No i dont have a TV in my room
Harry: Thats a same i could've given you a couple of vidoes to take home
Me: oh well
Harry: What type do you like? Watching guys wank, guys and girls or just girls?
Me: Well im always a fan when girls are involved.
Harry: You dont like watching guys with big cocks?
Me: Errr...
Harry: I like watching a guy with a big cock just wanking and blowing everywhere. Am i right?
Me: Errr...
Harry: How big are you?
Me: Errr...
Harry: Im small thats why i like watching big cocks.
Me: Well ive never actually measured it.
Harry: Come on! Everyone knows
Me: I guess its probably about average
Harry: What 5 inches? (making measurement with his hands)
Me: Well a bit bigger than that.
Harry: So like 6 or 7
Me: (humouring him while taking step back) Yeah probably
Harry: Thats just how you want it. Girls love 'em that size. Fit just nicely
Me: They certainly do (another step)
Harry: You cum deep inside? My wife loves it when i cum deep inside her. I ask her why and she just laughs but they love it. You ever licked a pussy?
Me: Yeah yeah quite enjoyable. Gotta give a little back (and another)
Harry: Thats it. Give a little to them every now and again and they'll continue to do things for you. Even talkign about it gets you horny doesn't it
Me: Errr...
Harry: C'mon. You're going to go home and blow aren't you. You cum on your stomach?
Me: Errr...
Harry: Or do you blow out? How far do you blow (gesturing distance)?
Me: (running back down driveway at full pelt)

About 5 minutes too late i think.

That day was also the day i almost burst my bladder. Ive never had to go to the toilet as much as i did that afternoon. It felt that good when i finally managed to relieve myself that i couldnt stop smiling.

Some people are really nice. The other day this old lady gave me a packet of Tim Tams and a can of coke because "you're such a lovely boy!...your blonde hair, such a lovely boy!" And i didnt even read her meter, i was doing the other side of the road!

Things i have learnt meter reading:
1) flurescent yellow is to dogs as red is to bulls
2) cats are frightened of flurescent yellow or think its their kitty litter
3) "Im here to read the meter" doesnt have the same effect on hot mums as "Im here to clean the pool"